Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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