Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
