it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
