It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
