if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
