Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
