I think I am morally bankrupt
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it glows. i had to have it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize