she was so not down for the gang bang
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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