Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
