Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
