We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
foreskin is a definite game changer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
