1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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