the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
