I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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