eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
