Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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