I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
