The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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