the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
