One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
