the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
