I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
