Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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