They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize