The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
