Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
