Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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