He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
