My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
