so explain again why im purple
no
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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