now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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