i think i have herpe
just one?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
