went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i've created a new STD.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize