ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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