I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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