I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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