"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
