I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
