Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize