I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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