you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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