k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
