i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
