One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
