i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
