the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
