Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
