I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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