He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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