There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
