So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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