He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
