Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
