Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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