I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
