why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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