You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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