You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
