Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
