I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
