Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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