You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
