We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
