so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
