Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
