Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
