my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
