why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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