Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
