Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
