I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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