I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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