She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
