I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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