Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just invented taco cereal.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
