Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
