actually, I'm a sock model
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
