The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
