Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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