Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
