Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
