Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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