She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
