I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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