I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
