This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
