it was like eating out sand paper
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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