omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
