I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize