Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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