ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
