Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
