Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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