she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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