How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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