I wish I only lived at night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
