I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
