Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
