I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
