Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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