So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
