I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
bring money and cleavage
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
