Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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