i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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