It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
