Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize