So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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