sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
