new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
