Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize