At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
