dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
