Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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