every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is the high leading the old right now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
