I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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