I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
