so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
