He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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