fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
