I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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