Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize