i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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