OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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